Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
