I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
