idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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