you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
