i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm having to shit out rocks
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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