I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
