I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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