your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
