I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
