Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
