I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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