i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
God, I missed his penis.
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