Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
