Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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