the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
