Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a search helicopter?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
