Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
