Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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