i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
