I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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