Ambien. No doubt about it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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