you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
