Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
