Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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