I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
