He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
