LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my being single is dangerous.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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