dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He passed out mid-signature
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
