the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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