at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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