Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
