I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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