I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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