I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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