When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
