I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
