the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
