so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.