thanks...oh and i got my period
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes