I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
