apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
