glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
