bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
