Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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