Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
