Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
