If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
