What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
