I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
