yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
