I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
