I just found puke in my bra..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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