We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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