Swine flu. Run for my life!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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