addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
