she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
