I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
