im six kinds of drunk right now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
