but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
