he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
