my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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