We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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