why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
