All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
