I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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