When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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