Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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