That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
