I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
