she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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