Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
