the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
