the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
