dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
