You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
