just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
