Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
NoShamevember. You game?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
